Put out the fire inside me..

Argh, it's been so long since I posted on here. I started a new blog, just ramblings of things I like. I don't really know what happened. I lost over half a stone and then tried to maintain it but had a jampacked summer of festivals and travelling. I haven't weighed in ages. I'm too scared to. I don't want to be back up to my old weight. Theres a part of me that knows that this is probably not the case as all my old clothes are too big and I'm in to a size smaller.
Anyway, I thought I'd benefit on starting writing again. Something has triggered and I've got a bit scared but also excited(?!) I am happy to go a whole day just on coffee which I did for a few days last week then had a meal at night. But on Friday I had pizza with lots of cheese, I was just sitting there watching TV with my boy feeling horribly stuffed, then I went into a lethargic state of mind, I went upstairs, went to the bathroom and purged it all away.
Then Saturday I did the same, didn't eat much in the day just coffee, then had dinner, then felt so yuk from all the food, so went upstairs and purged.
I had problems last night cus I thought my boy could hear me, so I left it in and worried about it all night.
But then tonight I got home, made dinner, while it was cooking I ate a penguin choc bar and a piece of toast. Part of me was saying... don't there is no need, your making a nice dinner. But then the other part of me was saying you might aswell as it's all coming up later anyway. So I did. Then I ate dinner. Then I purged.
My goal is to be skinny for xmas. Not just "slimmer" - thin!
I don't know why this goes and returns. But it's back again and I can't stop it.
I'm going to start writing again and really appriciate your support!
Think thin ladies. xoxo