New goals...

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days I've been busy and not really had much privacy.
I've been okay the past few days not really under 500cals a day but not over 1000. I've been eating 2oranges and an apple throughout the day and then having a meal which I've tried to keep under 400-500cals. But I've also been treating myself to a piece of chocolate a night. I feel terrible after but it's only one piece. Theres another part of me where I feel as though if I don't allow this then I will most likely binge. I made some cakes on Sunday for my boyfriend (carrot cupcakes) and I stupidly have eaten a few of them since Sunday. But I went to the gym yesterday and weighed myself and I haven't put any more Lbs on, not lost any but atleast nothings gone on.
I have got some thinspiration though. My work is having a rewards evening at the end of February and at in March I'm going to London and to a concert. I am going to set a goal to loose AT LEAST half a stone by then. Fingers crossed. :)
Hope you are all okay! Think thin. J xxx

urgh...yuk....fat!

Okay So I've woken up and feel sooo bad. Yesterday was an awful day.
Before I go on, re: the last post...The supermarket was fine. I really didn't tempt at anything. BUT...Last night I binged on Pizza :( I made it for my boyfriend and I and altough I made it incredibly thin and with low fat mozzerella. I had about 5 slices :( and I couldn't try to purge because he wanted to watch a film with me straight after grrrr. I have woken up feeling disgusting. I will get back on this today. Under 500 cals no more!!!
I need to get some scales. I'm going to look on ebay or amazon for some good ones. I think..know it'll help.
Good news though, I spoke to my best friend about dieting and she is too. Not as extreme, but still we can now chat about this and she doesn't judge me atall. it's nice to have someone to share tips with and were great thinspo for each other. V. happy about that. :)

Think thin ladies, I know I am going to...here's some thinspo for you..















Thin thin..xxxxx

Did Ana do this? Could it be fate?

Yesterday my shopping food order was supposed to come for the week.
For some reason it was cancelled. I called them and they didn't have any idea why it had happened.
My boyfriend decided he was going to go to the chipshop and get some chips...No way was I going to binge on them. So I decided I wasn't going to eat dinner.
I had only eaten a orange in the day. So I treated myself to a cup of ginger ale and that was all. Was it fate, that it didn't come?
I woke up this morning really tired, but I felt good. I managed to go the day on about 100 cals.
I had a dream about food, well not really food...TicTacs! haha. So strange.
I had a delivery also of the book by Mayra Hornbacher, Wasted. I have read that it is good thinspiration on other peoples blogs. So I'm looking forward to reading it.
As I did so well yesterday I'm going to eat my full 500 cals today and have a small pack of sushi for lunch and some salad for dinner.
My boyfriend is insisting we goto the shop to do the shopping that didn't come. I haven't been to the supermarket in a while, it's going to be quite hard and I'm pretty scared about it. But if I have the sushi it should fill me up. Argh I really hope it doesn't break me, fingers crossed I'll still have the willpower and Ana will come with me to stop any temptations.
Stay strong ladies and think thin! Hopefully I'll be able to. xxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm down!!!

So for the past 2 weeks this is what I've been doing. Sticking to a 500 cal a day limit.
Fruit for lunch ~ (apple/orange)

A meal for dinner - Very small one!

The thing is, I live with my boyfriend and for the 2years that we have been together I make us a meal every night. The reason I have put on weight isn't because this is a full fatty meal, it's because I've been eating MASSIVE portions. But I've more than halved my portions and have been giving him leftovers nearly everyday. And he (I hope) hasn't even noticed.
And I haven't binged, which I'm very proud of myself for. because I really expected I would. Also it was my birthday and I had a party on the weekend, my mum made me a massive cake and my friend made some cupcakes and I haven't had a bite of any of them. Instead I took them in to my work for all the fat pigs there to eat. I also put all leftover chocolate we got given for Xmas out on plates and watched them all disappear.

Exercise…I walk to and from work which takes 45mins there and back and I have been slack lately, but I try to go to the gym 4 times a week.

Anyway back to the good news..I went to the gym and before I started to work out I weighed myself there and I'm down 3pounds :) So happy about this. This gave me thinspiration...

GW's for each month:
Feb 5th-133 pounds
March 5th- 125 pounds
April 5th- 120 pounds
May 5th- 115pounds (goal weight)

By summer (June) back to 113 pounds like I was before.

I hope I can do this. I will keep reading all of your blog's for thinspiration. Stay strong and think thin! xxxx

Plans, plans, plans

So My plans are as follows....
I will not eat no more than 600 cals a day.
I will reduce this after a month by 100 cals.
I will not binge.
I will not make friends with Mia.
I will obey Ana.
I will use thinspiration.
I will excercise everyday.

My thinspiration is other bloggers, Mary-kate Olsen, Nicole Richie..

I woke up this morning with a song in my head....It's very app. to how I feel right now and I think the lyrics may help you too. Must be why I woke up with it in my head...

When I'm lost in the rain
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way, when I'm scared losing ground
When my world is going crazy you can turn it all around
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top
You're always there giving me all you've got

For a shield, from the storm for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again
I can do anything 'cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me
And when I need a friend you're always on my side
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield, from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong and for the will to carry on
For everything you do I turn to you yeah

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For truth that will never change for someone to lean on
But for a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to oh I turn to you

For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you

Think thin, I will post in more depth when I'm alone xxx

New year. New blog, New me.

Hello to whoever is reading this.
I'm starting this blog to help myself. It's to keep a record of my eating habits and for my own reference on my life at the moment. I am pro-ana, but this isn't a pro-ana blog to encourage or influence anything on anyone else.
So here goes.
3 years ago I was at my lowest weight, 113 pounds. Now I am 140 pounds. And I hate myself. Ana was apart of my life then, my best friend, but things happened that drove her away. I neglected her. This happened out of my control, without me even realising. And then it hit me. How I've missed her being there, being someone to help me through all the hard times, someone being there helping me to be the person I want to be. I've gone through 2 years of hating myself and missing her, I felt as though she was sickened by me and so dissapointed in what I did to her, that she was gone forever. But about 2 weeks ago she came back to me and reached out her hand and forgave me. And slowly she is learning to trust me again. No one else wants for me what I want in this world apart from ana, How could I neglect her? I wont neglect her again.