Bad bad weekend

The weekend started off okay, I had Friday off for LDN. I started off with a coffee, then a small banana. Then didn't eat all day then until I got home and had half of a small pizza. The next day I was good and even bought my boy a Krispy Kreme and didn't have one myself. Was very proud about that. I weighed aswell and I was down 2lbs! :)But for lunch I had two peices of left over pizza and half a falafel sandwhich. Then for tea I had a chickpea haloumi salad. So was okay up until then, then yesterday I was so bad. I woke up so tired and the weekend had caught up with me. I started off with 2 pieces of toast with light philadelphia, then I had beans on toast with cheese for lunch, then for dinner pasta with sundried toms, olives and onion. BUT inbetween that I had two mince pies and some shortbread biscuits. Terrible.

But I'm back on track today. I've had
A coffee - 79cals
A summer fruits salad- 99cals.
I'm going to have a veg curry tonight but I wont have any rice and I'm going to try and stay under 600cals.

Aim- loose 7lbs by my birthday in Jan. Fingers crossed I wont crack over xmas.

xx

Foodfodfoodfoodfood

Argh I love Christmas so much, but, there is always soooo much food around at Christmas. And the whole having to have family meals were everyone is watching what everyone eats. I'm stressing about it. And I know it's going to become an issue closer to the day.
MIA went away. I fought against it, as I shouldn't have been binging anyway. I've gained control again. And I've set up a food plan to keep a habit of what I have.
So I'm going to start blogging the daily plan.

So today:
Skinny Coffee - 80cals
Cereal Bar- 69cals
Fruit salad- 140cals
Nimble bread with light philidalphia- 98cals
Satsuma- 25cals
Apple- 80cals
Tomato and basil Soup- 82cals
2 slices of Nible bread with 1cal spray- 88cals(bread) 4cals(spray)

Total- 666 eeeek! I might add a coffe with small bit of skimmed milk to it making it around 680. Don't want to go higher than 700.

Each day I think I'll cut out one thing. until it's just fruit, coffee and soup without bread.

I had an idea and my boyfriend has agreed to help. He doesn't know why but he didn't ask. He's going to take a picture of me in just my pants for the next 5months every Sunday. I'll upload this on to my laptop and name the folder body. It can go next to my thinspo folder. It will help me alot. I hate looking at pictures of my body esp. naked. It's going to be hard at first... but you have to be cruel to be kind.

London on frday...love those shopping days. Can't wait. xoxo

Put out the fire inside me..

Argh, it's been so long since I posted on here. I started a new blog, just ramblings of things I like. I don't really know what happened. I lost over half a stone and then tried to maintain it but had a jampacked summer of festivals and travelling. I haven't weighed in ages. I'm too scared to. I don't want to be back up to my old weight. Theres a part of me that knows that this is probably not the case as all my old clothes are too big and I'm in to a size smaller.
Anyway, I thought I'd benefit on starting writing again. Something has triggered and I've got a bit scared but also excited(?!) I am happy to go a whole day just on coffee which I did for a few days last week then had a meal at night. But on Friday I had pizza with lots of cheese, I was just sitting there watching TV with my boy feeling horribly stuffed, then I went into a lethargic state of mind, I went upstairs, went to the bathroom and purged it all away.
Then Saturday I did the same, didn't eat much in the day just coffee, then had dinner, then felt so yuk from all the food, so went upstairs and purged.
I had problems last night cus I thought my boy could hear me, so I left it in and worried about it all night.
But then tonight I got home, made dinner, while it was cooking I ate a penguin choc bar and a piece of toast. Part of me was saying... don't there is no need, your making a nice dinner. But then the other part of me was saying you might aswell as it's all coming up later anyway. So I did. Then I ate dinner. Then I purged.
My goal is to be skinny for xmas. Not just "slimmer" - thin!
I don't know why this goes and returns. But it's back again and I can't stop it.
I'm going to start writing again and really appriciate your support!
Think thin ladies. xoxo

Now I'm not a saint, but I'm not a sinner. Now everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner

Hello beautiful ladies.
I have managed to find a minute to update the blog...In work...surprise surprise.
I hate not having enough time/privacy to blog more. Would be good and inspiring to build up a relationship with some of you.
Anyway...Good news, I'm down 3 pounds since my last weigh in. I'm now 135lbs, which means I will probably meet my goal of 133lbs for the end of this month. (Fingers crossed, even more) I've been okay. My diet plan has formed itself of grapefruit for breakfast, coffee for lunch, and a meal for dinner no more than 500cals. I've given in a few times and had some pieces of chocolate in-between that, but it's proving to work. Not as quick as I want it to but that's probably the reason why. If I cut out the snaking and reduce the portion of my main meal hopefully it'll drop off a lot quicker. :)
My best friend, who I spoke about previously, has been really supportive and she is loosing the weight quickly too..it's good thinspiration and also good to be able to talk to someone about everything and share tips and stuff. I was off work on Monday, sick (too tired to get up and make it into work) and when I came back in, one of the girls in my team had a go at me and said I need to eat more!!! I haven't even spoken to anyone about anything..(my friend lives in a different place) I was shocked...she then ask me what I had eaten at the end of the day. I lied and said a sandwich for lunch (yuk)how annoying! I hope people aren’t watching me at work. Will cause problems if they are. She’s probably going to ask me again so I have already thought about what I'm going to say... (bagel with peanut butter for breakfast and sushi for lunch) Really I've just had 2 coffees. It's my body, my choice on what I want to eat. What is it to do with anyone else what I want to do? They are just fat and jealous that while they sit at there desks scoffing crisps, doughnuts and chocolate, I'm fine just having coffee.
Rant over.
Will TRY to update more. Stay strong....think thin...
J<3x

I have enough determination to make eachday better.

So i've been busy..And it's sooo hard to find privacy to update this. I would love to be able to write on her everyday and keep my own personal diary but it's so hard when I live with my boyfriend. I've managed to find 10 minutes during work for a quick update.
The past week I've actually managed to be quite good. I've been sticking to not eating much in the day and then a meal at night and staying to under 650cals. On Friday I was bad and had cocktails and pizza but only 3 slices so noway did I go over 1500cals that day.
I'm getting into the swing of it (and touch wood)I haven't binged yet.

I haven't eaten so far today and only plan to have some grapefruit for lunch and then a under 400cal meal tonight. I'm down 4pounds since last Tuesday and I'm actually feeling quite positvie about things. I hope I'll stick to it. I made a goal of being at 133 pounds by Friday. That hasn't happened which is very annoying but I'm at 138 and I'm going to set myself to be 133 by the 26th Feb which is a bit more realistic. We'll see.

I've not been eating more than 1000cals a day for the past month, some days considerably less and it's just sticking to me. I've been going to the gym but it just doesn't work. slowly but surely prehaps? I will update as much as I can my progress.

I'm sorry for being lame at updating. Think thin ladies. xxx

Did Ana do this? Could it be fate?

Yesterday my shopping food order was supposed to come for the week.
For some reason it was cancelled. I called them and they didn't have any idea why it had happened.
My boyfriend decided he was going to go to the chipshop and get some chips...No way was I going to binge on them. So I decided I wasn't going to eat dinner.
I had only eaten a orange in the day. So I treated myself to a cup of ginger ale and that was all. Was it fate, that it didn't come?
I woke up this morning really tired, but I felt good. I managed to go the day on about 100 cals.
I had a dream about food, well not really food...TicTacs! haha. So strange.
I had a delivery also of the book by Mayra Hornbacher, Wasted. I have read that it is good thinspiration on other peoples blogs. So I'm looking forward to reading it.
As I did so well yesterday I'm going to eat my full 500 cals today and have a small pack of sushi for lunch and some salad for dinner.
My boyfriend is insisting we goto the shop to do the shopping that didn't come. I haven't been to the supermarket in a while, it's going to be quite hard and I'm pretty scared about it. But if I have the sushi it should fill me up. Argh I really hope it doesn't break me, fingers crossed I'll still have the willpower and Ana will come with me to stop any temptations.
Stay strong ladies and think thin! Hopefully I'll be able to. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Plans, plans, plans

So My plans are as follows....
I will not eat no more than 600 cals a day.
I will reduce this after a month by 100 cals.
I will not binge.
I will not make friends with Mia.
I will obey Ana.
I will use thinspiration.
I will excercise everyday.

My thinspiration is other bloggers, Mary-kate Olsen, Nicole Richie..

I woke up this morning with a song in my head....It's very app. to how I feel right now and I think the lyrics may help you too. Must be why I woke up with it in my head...

When I'm lost in the rain
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way, when I'm scared losing ground
When my world is going crazy you can turn it all around
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top
You're always there giving me all you've got

For a shield, from the storm for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again
I can do anything 'cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me
And when I need a friend you're always on my side
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield, from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong and for the will to carry on
For everything you do I turn to you yeah

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For truth that will never change for someone to lean on
But for a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to oh I turn to you

For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you

Think thin, I will post in more depth when I'm alone xxx